DADvocate

Today DrHelen has a post on why men and women don't want sex. This comes a year after one of my most read posts, To Date or Not To Date which DrHelen described as "sad."

Well, I didn't go out on a date in the past year. That makes a little over 7 years since my last date. I don't sit at home and mope. Indeed, I'm generally busier than I wish. With three active kids still living at home, I'm hard pushed.

My oldest son and 10 year old daughter are heavily involved in basketball. A couple of weekends ago, my daughter played in 11 basketball games in 4 days (tournaments). I watched them all. My son generally has 2 games a week as a high school player. And then, my 13 year old son has formed a rock band with some friends plus throws shot put on the track team. (He plays football also, but it's out of season.) It would be hard to have more fun than I am now.

So, why date? It would take time and money away from my kids. Most often, it seems the woman expects the man to please her, flatter her, etc. I spend enough time pleasing people at work. I would love to have a "female buddy" but those seem hard come by. Again and again, I hear women explaining their divorces with "He just was making me happy."

Ladies, if you need someone else to make you happy, you need a therapist not a husband or boyfriend. I first discovered this when taking a lone motorcycle trip across the country in 1978. For 16 days, I was happy all by myself. I was even happy when my motorcycle broke down in West Memphis, Arkansas. And, now, I'm happy raising my kids.

Read DrHelen's post and be sure and read through the comments. Many people have had much worse experiences in relationships than I have.

A sprinkling of the comments:

Guys - avoid marriage at all costs if you expect to have a good probability of a normal sex life as you get older. If you do get married, marry someone younger.

Otherwise, stay single, you'll have a better sex life. I am divorced after an 81/2 year marriage that was largely sexless after year 3. I have three f"friends with benefits" (also divorced) and occasionally have a serious relationship. My married buddies in their 40s and 50s are locked into their marriages, and most of those are largely sexless. If they leave, they know they will lose most of their assets and their children.

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"My personal reasons for not wanting sex is disappointment, the word NO, rejection, lack of desire by wife, total indifference." Pretty much exactly my experience with my wife...

She has gotten to the point that when she says no and I express disappointment or frustration, she outright laughs at me.

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I'll hang myself before I marry again.

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Suffering for its own sake is just masochism - they have websites for that, imposing it on others without their consent is a crime and tort.

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I am 55, am told by a number of women that I am handsome, I make good money, I'm healthy, I don't smoke, and I'm not fat.

I've had sex one time in 3 years.

The hassle isnt worth it.

Now, that stuff is sad. The last comment could have been mine but wasn't, same age.

On a related note. The Anchoress linked the other day to another issue regarding sex, Casual sex is a con; Women just aren’t like men an article by Dawn Eden. Eden looks at casual sex as one of the big lies of feminism.