Tuesday, August 26, 2008


Men Are Bad Stuff at Oprah.com

Ellen Tien at Oprah.com claims she's " She's happily married, dreaming of divorce." Pretty hard to do if you ask me.

From reading the article, she sounds self-centered and not that happily married. The first paragraph gives us a clue.
I contemplate divorce every day. It tugs on my sleeve each morning when my husband, Will, greets me in his chipper, smug morning-person voice, because after 16 years of waking up together, he still hasn't quite pieced out that I'm not viable before 10 a.m.
Here she displays the attitude that it's her husband's job to conform to her desires/whimsy/demands. I wonder if Tien appreciates at all having a bright, chipper person with whom to share the morning.

Tien then goes on to tell anecdotes of a variety of her husband's shortcomings.

Following this she says, "Nor is Will the Very Bad Man that I've made him out to be. Rather, like every other male I know, he is merely a Moderately Bad Man,..." Got that? Every male is a "Moderately Bad Man." In Tien's estimation there are no good men, except maybe in some world to which she has never been exposed.

She calls it the Mid-Wife Crisis:
Mind you, when I say Mid-Wife Crisis, I mean the middle-of-married-life kind, not the kind where you go to Yale to learn how to legally brandish a birthing stool. As one girlfriend remarked, it's the age of rage -- a period of high irritation that lasts roughly one to two decades. As a colleague e-mailed me, it's the simmering underbelly of resentment, the 600-pound mosquito in the room. At a juncture where we thought we should have unearthed some modicum of certainty, we are turning into the Clash. If I go will there be trouble? If I stay will it be double? Should I stay or should I go?
She finishes up with:
Maybe one day, marriage -- like the human appendix, male nipples, or your pinky toes -- will become a vestigial structure that will, in a millennium or two, be obsolete. Our great-great-great-grandchildren's grandchildren will ask each other in passing, "Remember marriage? What was its function again? Was it that maladaptive organ that intermittently produced gastrointestinal antigens and sometimes got so inflamed that it painfully erupted?"

Yes. Yes it was.
Tien appears to be a woman without the ability to make the commitment to a man that women often complain about a man not being able to make. She also appears to only be concerned about how she feels and whether or not her husband satisfies her in some way. Finally, she seems to be a rather miserable person and I doubt any man (or woman) could change that. Lacking any vestige of insight, Tien decides men are bad.

Unfortunately, since her writing is probably widely read, she's influencing women and girls to think the same way with no concern to the larger picture.

I think this is a fantastic article. It gives insight to those who are married about the new era of women who find marriage constrictive and confining to a degree. And it also may soothe the aches of those who are unhappy before marriage. I am not married, but have been with the same guy since 11th grade and yes, he is my best friend. We are practically married as far as I’m concerned! I just don’t understand this weird trend that we STILL “need” to get married after being with someone for a while. Marriage is paperwork, a commitment is in your heart. I think she is just a product of stringent feminism, and possibly a very feminist mother. Either way, the article got people talking - and I think that’s a job well done in terms of being a writer!
so, now that the husband has been publicly eviscerated, she's expecting him to feel OK about that? lovely no-win situation for him. when he packs his bags, since she obviously doesn't want him there, guess who is going to get blamed...

Ultimately what Tien lacks is courage. If she doesn't like this guy, why is she staying with him? No, she wants to make his life so hard that he is the one who leaves, so then she can act like he is the bad man.

I feel very sorry for this guy. No-one deserves that kind of abuse. IMPORTANTLY the is what it is, character assasination, and emotional abuse.

But hey, women never do that, do they?
Jeniffer, this has nothing to do with the word 'Marriage'. Rather it has to do with two people living together.

DADvocate is spot on with his comments. She is self-sentered as hell. This woman probably needs to try and have a lesbian affair if she is so down on men in general. I bet though that her Lesbian partner would give her the heave-ho in time. Glad I'm not married to her. BTW, my wife and I have been happily married for 34 years.
Jennifer, anonymous is correct. This is about Tien's self-centeredness and her "all men are bad" attitude. Given her selfishness I doubt she could have a successful relationship with anyone.

BTW - Statistics show that people who live together before marriage divorce at a higher rate than those who don't. "Marriage is paperwork, a commitment is in your heart." Wrong. Marriage is commitment taken one step deeper. Just being together without any legal binds is about as uncommitted as you can get and still be in a relationship.
Tien is just a sad person. I think she may just be depressed. But since she learns so much from "Sex and the City" maybe a cosmo and some pills will help her through the day.
I totally agree. It sucks though that Tien and shows like Sex and the City are having such a large impact on the thinking and values of women like Jennifer, above. Yes, there's men who think this way too, jsut on different levels. The problem lies with the families and the view of what marriage is in this country. We keep treating marriage as if it's something temporary and "as long as you both shall live" is just an empty statement and no longer the promise it should be... I fear Tien may be right, marriage will become extinct, at least marriages that mean anything and along with it, our morals and values as a society.
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