DADvocate

Tweeners sounds like something from Jeff Foxworthy's "Redneck Dictionary" but tweeners are kids ages 8 to 12 years. Apparently tweeners are becoming the new teens. "But child development experts say that physical and behavioral changes that would have been typical of teenagers decades ago are now common among "tweens" — kids ages 8 to 12."

Apparently experts are concerned about some of the developments happening with tweens.

The shift that's turning tweens into the new teens is complex — and worrisome to parents and some professionals who deal with children. They wonder if kids are equipped to handle the thorny issues that come with the adolescent world.

[---]

Beyond the drugs, sex and rock'n'roll their boomer and Gen X parents navigated, technology and consumerism have accelerated the pace of life, giving kids easy access to influences that may or may not be parent-approved. Sex, violence and foul language that used to be relegated to late-night viewing and R-rated movies are expected fixtures in everyday TV.

[---]

But as the limits have been pushed, experts say the stakes also have gotten higher — with parents and tweens having to deal with very grown-up issues such as pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Earlier this year, that point hit home when federal officials recommended a vaccine for HPV — a common STD that can lead to cervical cancer — for girls as young as age 9.

"Physically, they're adults, but cognitively, they're children," says Alderman, the physician in New York. She's found that cultural influences have affected her own children, too.

Earlier this year, her 12-year-old son heard the popular pop song "Promiscuous" and asked her what the word meant.

"I mean, it's OK to have that conversation, but when it's constantly playing, it normalizes it," Alderman says.

She observes that parents sometimes gravitate to one of two ill-advised extremes — they're either horrified by such questions from their kids, or they "revel" in the teen-like behavior. As an example of the latter reaction, she notes how some parents think it's cute when their daughters wear pants or shorts with words such as "hottie" on the back.

As the father of a tween girl and two teen boys, I've certainly faced the problems mentioned. Despite having grown up with the drugs, sex and rock & roll of the Sixties and Seventies, I find some of today's music worrisome.

What is "Ridin' Diry?"; My daughter thinks it's driving drunk. I think it's something else but I'm not telling her. Last year at this time, I blogged about theThanksgiving experiences of visiting my family. This included an incident where my two youngest children used the term "gay" to describe someone's appearance and were confronted by my gay sister with, "What's wrong with being gay?"

Chldren don't need to deal with this stuff. Most children this age don't have the abstract reasoning ability to adequately process the issues involved. Additionally, they simply don't need the pressure of having to deal with some adult's sexual issues. I'm not sure when I first learned homosexuality existed but I am sure that it was several years later in life than when my children found out.

In a related article here are some tips for dealing with tweens.

• SET LIMITS
• THINK "TEACHABLE MOMENT."
• PICK YOUR BATTLES
• CREATE A CIRCLE OF LIKE-MINDED PARENTS
• STAY CLOSE

I find that I do all of these things, therefore it is an excellent list.

Setting limits is quite important. Some parents won't prohibit their kids from going to an R-rated movie because the kids will see it anyway, sneak in the movies, see it at a friends on DVD, etc. This may be true. But more important is that the child knows where the parents stand. This is how we teach values.

Read the entire list. If you don't fully understand, dig for more information.

Love those tweeners.