Thursday, July 27, 2006

 

What To Wear? Slutty or Not

UPDATE: aup at just muttering quotes a Sam Levenson poem often used by Katherine Hepburn (according to aup) that very well describes true beauty. The poem begins:
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
Read it all.

The other day at Knoxviews. A post highlighted a column in the University of Tennessee student paper, The Daily Beacon titled "Sexuality not path to true love." In the column Sarah Pevey explores sexualality and the messages a girl/woman transmits by the way she dresses.
Dating is like selling a product. You advertise your asking price with your body language and appearance. The sluttier you dress, the lower your price drops. Anyone willing to show up and wait in line can afford you, or at least that’s the message you send.

This message does two things: attracts guys looking for the path of least resistance and repels guys who want quality. You might turn their heads, but that’ll be the end of it. You’ll never get a decent guy if you don’t act decently. Clothes send a message about your standards and self-esteem. Do you want your message to be, “Top-quality. High end. Top of the line.”? Or, “Free samples. No purchase necessary. Name your price. Everything must go.”?

Is there a fine line between slutty and sexy? Yes. It’s about the middle of your thighs, four inches above your nipples, halfway down your back, two inches below your belly button, and three inches under your heels, at a bare minimum. Do you think that’s too prudish? I can’t stop you--raise the hemline inch by inch. But remember this column the next time you complain about not being able to find a decent guy. You might be getting what you ask for.
I have to agree.

During my younger days I actually avoided potential romantic contact at least a couple of times because the female looked and acted so slutty that I was afraid of what I might catch. I can't vouch for other guys but I value the relationship with a woman far beyond sex.

This subject has been beat to death for years and most will dress as they wish. I try to impress upon my 10 year old daughter (who is obviously absolutely beautiful) that there is a big difference between being pretty and being sexy. Sexy isn't always pretty and is often "cheap."

Some of the commentors at Knoxviews don't seem to get it.
Then again, maybe after she lands some "nice guy" who will "treat her right" and she finds herself staring out the kitchen window with a pile of dishes under her chin and a long day at the office behind her, she will get it. Maybe how she will get it is by staring out that window at the guying cleaning the pool next door and saying to herself, "Hey, I'd hit it."
What will you be staring out of if you land some "bad guy?" What STD might you catch if you hit it?

Some commentors do get it. One quoted Wedding Crashers.
"Ah...tattoo on the lower back. Might as well be a bull's eye."
One thing my ex and I agree on is reasonably conservative dress and no tattoos.

Comments:
whats even scarier, its not how women over 18/21 dress slutty, its how some modern mothers dress their 8 year olds in stockings and thongs, in outfits that wouldnt look out of place on a hooker.

thats the real problem, they are saying dress like this and get a man, and they wonder why there seems to be more alledged pedophiles out there..

thats the real problem, telling these kids its alright to be a slut, as you are woman hear you roar.. but sluts maybe ok for a nite, but i would rather have someone for longer..

and i find tattoos nice, and sexy but thats my own personal opinion, so long as they are well done..
 
There exists a thesis which states that the less the alpha-dominant women wear (in comparison to the conservative women of that society), the greater the odds the society is sick. Our society is sick.

I also think we need to bring in the effect girls and women create in / on boys & men. The whole point of wearing the skimpy outfit is to turn male heads and dominate other females: Maybe many of those men do not want their heads turned? Today's female is incapable or unwilling to hear or answer that question.
 
It is ironic that after all the years of feminism that girls and women dress and act more like the sex objects, that men supposedly viewed them as, than ever before. And by doing so they give boys and men the message that they are sex objects.
 
and men get blamed for looking, if they see a woman dressed to be looked at
 
I suspect I'm going to regret weighing into this, but I have to say something. The idea is choice. Freedom. To be able to dress and look the way you want to. Without worrying about opinions or feeling like you're causing trouble. No one objects to people looking, just to them being ignorant (in all meanings of that word).
 
aup - you are correct. Having the freedom to dress as we choose is important. Whether or not you wish to worry about someone else's opinion is your choice also.

But others will always have their opinions, right or wrong, accurate or not. They will make judgements and decisions, right or wrong, based on opinions they form, some of which are determined by one's appearance.

In every culture this is true. Dress how you wish. Just don't blame others for the impression they get.

But, again, I do think it is not just ironic, but almost tragic, that women in our society have become greater sex objects since the beginning of the feminist revolution in the 60's. And, feminism is at least partially responsible for this.
 
"Men get blamed for looking"

That's why they invented sunglasses. 8)

I went to a concert last night. I enjoyed the show, but I paid close attention to the stuff girls were wearing (partly because of this article - partly).

There was dancing, drinking and some definite hellraisin' goin' on. But the majority, the vast majority, of women there were dressed in either jeans or long skirts. Necklines were low, but not obnoxiuosly so, on the shirts that weren't straight up t-shirts.

When I think about it, the only girls I have seen recently wearing something I would consider inappropriate all set off the 'jail-bait radar;' ie: they were all under 18, or were too close to call. So I would propose that this problem exists primarily within the 14-21 age range, where young women may more equate style of dress with maturity. I know very few women ages 22-older who dress anywhere close to inappropriately unless it is Halloween, Mardi Gras or some theme party night.
 
Patrick - interesting that you bring up the jail-bait radar. One of the reasons I wrote this post was that I went into a ice cream shop with my daughter. There was a girl in the shop with a very low cut blouse, probably no bra, midriff expoxed as high and low as possible. Her denim skirt was so low you could see the top of her butt crack and so short you wondered why you couln't see everything else.

She was a pretty girl who would have been a head turner almost no matter how she dressed. Instead she portrayed a super slut.
 
this is in the UK, i once saw a girl, she looked good, dressed likes 20 year old.. so i thought 20, legal.. i found out she was 13..

i have seen women in offices wear extremely provocative outfits, but dare any male put an eye on them.. and they cry sexual harrassment,
 
Since I've already climbed onto the edge a dangerous limb, I might as well start sawing by asking how much of this is about taste and/or a class thing? (I know, there are no classes in the U.S., ha ha.) I mean, how many well educated professional women show off boobs and their "crack" and wear bandeau tops to the office? I work in NYC and live 70 miles upstate and my sense is that taste determines a lot more than fashion. No?
 
aup - You're right. Much of it is a class thing. Similar to you, I work in Cincinnati but live in the boonies 60 miles away. I saw the girl I described above in the poorest county in Ohio. (Nearly 50% welfare rate.)

I've often noticed that if you dress and act as if you are of a higher "class", people will assume you are. This is not necessarily a bad thing. Using this to your advantage can go a long way towards improving your lot in life.

BTW - Your quote of Sam Levenson it the perfect alternative to being slutty/sexy.
 
I hadn't even thought that part of why I posted that "poem" was your post and the comments here. It is indeed a perfect antidote. By the way, it's not just me that says it was often attributed to Hepburn - it's from Wikipedia and several websites. Also, one more thing about the topic. When I went to work 12 years ago at the large corporate firm where I work, a friend suggested I dress like the people I wanted to be like. In other words, if I wanted to be a manager, mimic their dress; if I wanted to be in the computer department, dress like them. And it worked! The differences are subtle but fascinating. (This is quite an interesting subject!)
 
the problem is, certain groups of people expect the freedom to do what they wish and what they wear, and forget the impact it has.

if a woman dresses provocatively, to attract mans eyes, then they shouldnt complain if they attract a mans eyes. if a woman dresses like a business woman, they shouldnt complain about them being treated in a business way.

i know some will say clothes make the man or doesnt.. but it all has an impact on the work environment.

the other side is that women have more choices of clothes than men, there was a court case here a few years ago, about a man not wanting to wear a tie in work i like ties myself, but men had to wear them women didnt.. sex discrimination, if a man was to go to work wearing shorts and a small tshirt into an office he would get into trouble, but if a woman does.. she isnt.. thats what i feel is wrong..
 
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